It’s Saturday morning and I’m writing you from a surprisingly comfortable extended stay hotel couch. I woke up early enough today to catch a free hot breakfast and some coffee, and also early enough to pat myself on the back because there’s something about early mornings that make me feel as if the day is going to be a productive one. So here I am writing to you, something I’m dying to stay married to.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how some of life’s biggest decisions and losses are made and felt alone. When I was in high school I was always told, “go to college.” So the next four years everything I did had an end goal of getting into a 4 year university. Which one? I had no idea. How was I going to pay for it? Again, no idea. I just knew I was going to college.
While high school was a nightmare for some, I consider it to be one of the best times of my life. Once that ended I was faced with the decision of where to go to school next, because I was going to college. And I did. I graduated with my degree… now what?
No one tells you that life is tough, people will disappoint you, and you’ll go through some of the hardest times of your life alone.
I’m not telling you this with a chip on my shoulder, I’m telling you this because no one told me. My optimistic, happy-go-lucky, 18 year old self saw life through rose colored glasses and I love her for it. Part of me still lives life the same way today.
Yesterday I was at a bar with my boyfriend, it was relatively empty as we were living our best lives on a Friday afternoon. There were two girls around our age sitting near us at the end of the bar drinking and talking amongst themselves. We exchanged some small talk as most bar people do, and then out of no where, without prompt, one of the girls looks at me and says “my mom died today.”
In that moment we were both stunned, unsure of how to respond, as I’m sure most people would be. Later my boyfriend wondered aloud why she would say such a thing to a complete stranger. It got me thinking about why she was at the bar with her friend… did she live far away from her family? Did she not have any other family? Was she an only child who just lost her best friend in the world? I’ll never know.
I told my boyfriend, “sometimes it’s cathartic to tell things to a stranger.” Truth be told, maybe I would have done the same.
When I was younger I felt like everyone was my friend and meeting someone new was an opportunity to make even more friends. I wanted everyone to like me. I say that now with a much more guarded heart and I consider very few people to be friends. In some of my hardest moments people I considered to be my friends let me down. They weren’t there for me. And each time, I was upset.
Just the other day I messaged someone I considered to be a friend in college for some professional advice. Granted, it’s been quite some time but we follow one another on social media and if the tables were turned I would have greeted her with open arms. That didn’t happen. At least she took the time to acknowledge who I was before she completely ghosted me.
Not everyone will be there for you when you need them to be. Not everyone will like you. And that’s ok.
We left the bar and as we were leaving I felt compelled to give that girl a hug. She welcomed it before I could even finish asking if it was ok to give her one. It was the type of genuine hug where both sides don’t immediately pull away, ones that aren’t always exchanged, especially between complete strangers. Maybe she needed someone, anyone, in that moment to try and understand the unimaginable… to have some sort of human connection and empathy.
Even though people will let you down when you least expect them to, sometimes people will also surprise you in times when you need it most.
Things that made me excited this week:
- These lipsticks from Maybelline – omg is it just me or is Maybelline on fire lately? 🔥 Seriously, there is no other product or brand I trust when it comes to lip products. I’m not kidding you when I say I need every color.
- I’ve been listening to The Girls Next Level Podcast nonstop it’s my newest guilty pleasure. I watched every episode of The Girl’s Next Door religiously with my mom when I was in high school and I love re-visiting that era of my life and hearing all of the behind the scenes 411 from Holly and Bridget.
- I am so excited that Ugg boots are back in style! I know it’s technically Fall but it’s still so warm out where I’m at! I am obsessed with these burnt olive ultra mini Uggs and I know every influencer has been pushing them but I am genuinely adding these to cart the second it get cooler out (and also when I can justify buying another pair of Uggs lol)
- I went thrifting yesterday with my boyfriend and I found an old vintage suitcase I can’t stop thinking about (one day I want to make a side table out of a stack of them.. I have a few I’ve found at flea markets and they make great storage and conversation pieces!). I’m also on the hunt for some vintage gold encrusted teacups and I’ve never seen anything like these ($6.50 for the cup AND saucer!!) Should I go back and get them?
- If you can’t tell by the title of this post I’m a major Taylor Swift fan and I’m so excited for her new album Midnights to come out NEXT WEEK!